A Place In This World
by gunpowderXXlipgloss
Summary: Caitlyn Geller is alone in this world. Or is she? Naitlyn "I don't know what I want, so don't ask me, cause I'm still tryin to figure it out. Don't know what's down this road, I'm just walkin, tryin to see through the rain coming down."


Caitlyn Geller slowly dragged the cigarette from her mouth, releasing a puff of smoke into the darkness. Her straight jet-black hair was blown around her face as she sat on the roof, listening to the waves as they crashed onto the sand. The moon reflected onto the water, which seemed almost as endless as the stars in the clear night sky. Beside her sat a half-empty pack of cigarettes, on the window sill behind her sat a bottle of pills, unopened and forgotten.

Loud voices from the beach broke her from her peaceful stage. She pulled up her hood and looked for the source of the noise. Walking on the sand was Nate, Shane and Jason, better known as Connect 3. As some of her closest friends, they were staying at her house while they took a short break from touring. Caitlyn had been excited when she first heard that the three of them were going to stay with her. She hadn't seen them in months, and was especially anxious to see her boyfriend Nate. Well, she assumed they were still dating, she wasn't too sure anymore. Caitlyn has been suffering with depression for the past two years and it's only been getting worse. When the boys showed up this morning she was happy, but throughout the day she became a wallflower. Her wall had been put up, and once it's up, it's difficult to break down.

Down at the beach, the boys were now arguing about something that Jason had thrown into the water. Caitlyn dragged the cigarette to her mouth once more, watching them idly. Nate turned his head in her direction and she instinctively hid the cigarette behind her. After she did this, she realized how pointless it was for two reasons: it was pitch black outside and he probably couldn't even see her, and he already knew she smoked. Nate was the only one who knew that she smoked, not because she had told him but because he had walked in on her once.

Eventually it became silent and she assumed that the boys had gone inside. The light in her room turned on and a figure crawled out the window and sat down beside her. A hand reached up and took the cigarette from her.

"Nate, give it back." She whined. He shook his head and threw it into the yard, a splash indicating that it landed in the pool. He than reached behind her back and grabbed the opened pack on the other side of her, turning around and throwing it into the trash bin right inside of her window. She went to reach for it, but he grabbed her hand and pulled it into the pocket of his sweatshirt.

"Why aren't taking you're meds?" Nate asked, noticing the full bottle on the window sill. She shrugged. "How much are you smoking now?" he asked, both of them focusing on the ocean in front of them.

"Not even a whole pack, and it's not everyday." She replied. He nodded, her smoking was the least of his problems. Pulling her hand out of his pocket, he held it with one hand and traced her clothed wrist with the other. She winced and he closed his eyes, "Cait, you promised-"

"I'm sorry Nate, it's too hard to stop!" she cried. "Fuck, just stop worrying so much about me, ok?"

"What if I want to worry about you?"

"Well I don't want you to!" He sighed and wrapped his arm around her, only to have her shrug it off.

"Cait, why won't you just let me in?" he whispered.

She took a breath, "Because I'm scared, Nate. I'm scared to let anyone in. All the people that I used to trust hurt me. I push people away so I don't get hurt, I don't let people in. The people that loved me, I pushed them away. I wanted to be alone, and now that I am, it terrifies me. But I can't do anything about it. I can't trust anyone else, because I'm scared I'll get hurt again. And Nate, I like you so much, and it scares me, because you could hurt me the most."

"You know I'd never do that." Nate said.

"Nate, I just wanna feel normal again. I want to be able to be happy, but I can't right now, because my body won't let me. No one understands how I feel. I try to find someplace I belong, but I find nothing."

"Just let one more person in, just let me in."

"I'm already talking to so many people! I'm already seeing a counselor and my parents send me to two discussion groups! I don't need anyone else!" She cried.

Nate let her reflect on her feelings for a moment before he spoke up again, "And is it helping?" he asked, already knowing the answer.

She shook her head, "No." He wrapped an arm around her and pulled her to him, letting her silent tears fall onto his sweatshirt.

"Caitlyn, I want to help you. You have no idea how much I want to be there for you. You've always been independent, and for the past couple months I've respected that. I mean, you still wanna be with me right?" Teary eyed, she looked up and nodded, pressing her lips to his.

"I really do, Nate. I'm sorry that I haven't been very open with you, it's just hard. You have no idea how much you've done for me in the past couple months by just being there for me. It just scares me that I trust you so much. But you know what, I'm not gonna let it scare me anymore. I love you Nate, so much."

"I love you too. And I'm not gonna let you push me away." He said and kissed her. She tasted like smoke, but he didn't care. She was turning back into the Caitlyn he fell in love with.

_I don't know what I want, so don't ask me, cause I'm still tryin' to figure it out. Don't know what's down this road, I'm just walking, tryin' to see through the rain comin' down. _

**Sooooo yeah. Idk, something that just popped into my head. **

**But I really like it =)**

**Should I write a sequel? **

**Hmm I think I might just do that… even if you don't want me to =P**

**ReviewReviewReview!!!**


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